Thursday, August 26, 2010

YOU ARE HERE TO KILL ME....AREN'T YOU?

I remember taking my last hit of crack about two hours earlier, and the desperation of the damage that I had done, along with the bridges that I had burned over the last seven days was like a piercing knife in my heart. As I walked along the train tracks of 79th Street in Miami, the ONLY relief that I could think of, the ONLY choice that I thought I had, was to take my own life. I thought I had known Jesus for many years but chose through my own sorrow and shame to turn my back on him because I felt unworthy, useless and very ashamed to face God. I found that knowing OF Jesus was not enough; that I still had emptiness deep inside that not even drugs could fill. So at the very end of what I saw as a miserable existence, I found myself next to the tracks waiting for a train that would end all my suffering. As I turned to sit on a ledge and ask God to forgive me for taking the coward’s way out, I saw a large dark figure coming towards me in the dark. He was a huge man, old and shadowy and as he approached I believed with all my heart that what I was about to ask him was the truth. As he stood over me I felt a wave of fear at his size and his shadow that covered most of the light from the train yard, I turned to him and said “You are here to kill me, aren’t you? What happened next could have been a story right out of The Bible, as he turned to me in the most loving and soft voice and said,

“NO, my name is Eli, and I am here to tell you that God LOVES you”. Suddenly, the fear was gone and I began to cry in a way that I had never cried before. I shared with him everything I had been through, what I had done, who I had hurt and why I had wanted to die, and then I asked him why I should not end my suffering. His response to me confirmed the fact that the Creator of the universe had sent this angel to me to give me “another” chance at redemption. Another offering of God’s Mercy & Grace.

So why Eli, should I not end my pain? “Because child, he said, Your Father says it is NOT your time. There are many things that you have been called to do and NOW is NOT your time, go”. As I stood up and turned, I looked around to touch him and thank him and he was GONE, completely and suddenly gone. I remember having a peace come over me although my sadness was very deep and then began to walk to the nearest pay phone on 79th Street. The call that I would make would also change my life forever, as I called my best friend, who also happens to be the founder of this ministry. Please understand that life has not been perfect since that night but there has NEVER been another second that I have doubted if God loved me or not, and if I ever wondered again why I did not feel CLOSE to Him, it was because I moved way, NOT HIM!

In conclusion, I want to say these few things;

It is ALWAYS darkest before the dawn!

There sometimes will be MUCH sorrow at night, BUT…JOY comes in the mourning!

God will NEVER leave you or forsake you!

When you are surrounded by darkness and despair, LOOK UP, for our Father in Heaven is right there waiting for you to call on the Name of His Son………Jesus. Because…Jesus Saves! Share/Bookmark

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